I made it! I began my 100 Happy Days challenge on June 27, 2014, and completed it on October 4, 2014. 100 days of happy … or was it??
I must admit, I’m a happy, smiley person, but not every day was a happy day. Sometimes the “challenge” was to find something within those not-so-happy days to be happy about. Other times, I would have a moment in the day that I was happy about, but I didn’t get a photo of it, so had to post something else. However, overall, I’m proud that I completed the 100 Happy Days challenge! It was a reminder to look at the bright side. It was a reminder to count my blessings. It was a reminder that the grass isn’t always greener; sometimes it can be dry and patchy, growing weeds, and full spots due to dog urine.
I chose to do this challenge at a time in my life where self-reflection was (and still is) a high priority. Evaluating my life as a whole, conversations with trusted confidants, and spending time at church led me to a shocking conclusion… As I got close to my 100th happy day, I realized that I don’t love myself enough. I’m a perfectionist, and hold myself to the highest standard; many times being too hard on myself. I magnify every flaw, instead of focusing on the good. I try to hold on to dwindling relationships longer than I should to avoid feeling alone & abandoned. I’m a people pleaser, many times sacrificing my own feelings to accommodate another’s. I seek validation & approval from others. The ONE THING within myself that I have the highest confidence in, is my God-given ability to work the runway.
Now, I see the root of the problem: self love. I don’t want to just have #100happydays, I want to have a HAPPY LIFE!! Finding things throughout my day to be happy about was great, BUT I want to BE happy. It’s interesting, because I’m not miserable … I’m smiling all of the time, have a great family, an awesome church, and awesome friends. I have a home, and a drive a nice car (which broke down on me yesterday), and have a business doing what I love! Plus, I understand who I am in Christ; I just have to accept it. And loving myself is the first step to happiness.
I’ve began my journey to self love. I have to consciously change my thoughts when that inner hater wants to act up. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I’M WORTH IT!! Soon, it won’t matter what others say, or think about me. I can boldly be who God has called me to be, and fulfill all that He has for me to accomplish.
So, no more #100happydays challenge. Now, I’m on the #selflove challenge, and there’s no time frame. 🙂